By Leslii Stevens Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher, ERYT500, YACEP, Ayurveda Practitioner
One theme that comes up over and over again in my yoga and energy healing work is the deep impact our relationships with our parents have on the way we live, love, and navigate the world. This can be tough terrain for many people to explore, especially when we’ve been raised to respect our parents no matter what. The idea of seeing their flaws, or admitting that they may have hurt us, can feel like a betrayal.
Here’s the thing: Healing isn't about blaming your parents or staying angry at them forever. It’s about recognizing the ways they didn’t heal themselves and how that got passed on to you. It's possible to acknowledge the ways they let you down, while still loving (or not loving) them. You're allowed to feel hurt or even angry about what they did, but at some point, you'll want to move past the anger. That’s where the real healing begins: learning to hold two truths at once the truth that what happened to you should never have happened, and the truth that you can find peace in spite of it.
Why Does My Childhood Even Matter? I'm an Adult!
You might be thinking, "Why does all this matter? I’m grown up now!" But the truth is, those old childhood wounds often shape how we show up in the world today.
Our parents taught us more than how to walk and talk they taught us, consciously or not, whether we are worthy of love or if we have to earn it. They showed us whether it’s safe to be ourselves or whether we need to mold ourselves into something else to get our needs met. They influenced whether we trust that we’ll always have enough, or live in constant scarcity.
And the kicker? Most of them weren’t trying to mess us up. They were just doing the best they could with what they knew, just like you and me. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it can help us understand why they may have let us down and help us avoid repeating the cycle with our own kids, partners, and even ourselves.
How Do We Face What Happened?
Start by identifying the ways your parents may have let you down. Even if you grew up in a materially abundant home, with food on the table and no shortage of toys or experiences, that doesn’t mean your emotional needs were met. Maybe your parents told you they loved you, but they were emotionally unavailable working all the time, never hugging you, or simply not there when you needed them.
That kind of misalignment between words and actions can leave a lasting impression, teaching you that your needs don’t really matter. You might end up putting yourself last, settling for unhealthy relationships, or sabotaging your own success because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve more.
Here are a few other scenarios where parents might have dropped the ball:
A parent whose mood dictated the household's energy, making you walk on eggshells to avoid their explosions of anger.
A parent who abandoned the family, leaving you with deep abandonment wounds that manifest as people-pleasing, low self-worth, and a constant fear of being left behind.
A parent who constantly criticized you, believing it would help you improve, but instead teaching you that you're never good enough.
A narcissistic parent who made everything about them, leading you to believe your needs didn’t matter. You may grow up attracting relationships with narcissists where you continue being invisible and giving over all your power, money and decisions to the partner, ending up broken and used.
This Hurts. How Can I Make Peace With It?
The next step processing your emotions and making peace with the past is the hardest part. This is where practices like yoga, meditation, and energy healing come into play.
Yoga helps us reconnect with our bodies, to feel and release the tension stored up from emotional pain. Through mindfulness in poses, we learn how to breathe through discomfort and let go of what we no longer need to hold onto. Meditation creates a space for us to sit with our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to observe them without judgment. It teaches us to find peace in the present moment, instead of being haunted by the past.
Energy healing, whether it's through Reiki, sound baths, or other modalities, works to clear emotional blockages on a deeper level. In my own practice, I’ve seen how powerful this can be for clearing the emotional residue of family wounds, helping people feel lighter and more free, no longer tied down by the hurts of the past.
Therapy is another valuable tool, of course, and journaling can help too. Just remember, healing is a long process, and you’ll probably dip in and out of it over time. That’s okay! You don’t have to be “completely healed” to move forward just keep moving.
Moving Forward
The type of relationship you have with your parents after this healing process is up to you. Some people choose to keep distant but maintain socially acceptable ties. Others may decide to cut off the relationship entirely if it’s too toxic. Whatever path you choose, remember to set strong boundaries and take care of your own emotional health.
One thing I don’t recommend? Seeking an apology from a parent who hasn’t done their own healing. Most people who haven’t worked on themselves aren’t capable of hearing their child’s pain without getting defensive or aggressive and that won’t help your healing journey.
Above all, remember this: What happened to you is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility. And in healing yourself, you become a better parent, partner, friend and most importantly, a better you. You deserve that.
with Light & Love
Leslii