The Narcissist’s Favorite Role: The Eternal Victim

By Leslii Stevens ERYT500, YACEP, CYT, Trauma Informed Yoga Teacher

Narcissist & the Victim Card: Why They Never Take the Blame

A narcissist won’t admit their faults. Ever. Instead, they’ll flip the script so fast it’ll make your head spin. Suddenly, you’re the villain, they’re the wounded soul, and somehow, you owe them an apology. Sound familiar?

Welcome to the world of narcissistic projection, where the blame game is their favorite sport, accountability is a foreign language, and truth is whatever makes them look good. Experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a leading voice in narcissistic abuse, and Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, have broken down these toxic patterns, but if you’ve lived it, you don’t need a PhD to see it in action.

The Classic Narcissist Playbook: Blame, Deny, Repeat

Narcissists thrive on control. Admitting fault? That means giving up control. So instead, they:

Blame-shift – Everything is your fault. Every argument, every issue, even things that have nothing to do with you. Their toxic workplace behavior? You’re just too sensitive. Their cruel words? You made them do it.

Play the victim – They’ll rewrite history to make themselves the hero and the victim. They didn’t betray you, you just abandoned them. They weren’t toxic at work, their coworkers were just “jealous.”

Gaslight the hell out of you – They’ll make you question your own reality. “I never said that.” “You’re imagining things.” “You always overreact.” You’ll start wondering if you’re the problem (spoiler: you’re not).

Dr. Kristen Milstead, who studies narcissistic abuse, calls this “narcissistic victimhood.” It’s the ultimate manipulation tactic, turning the tables so they always come out looking like the one who was wronged.

Narcissists Aren’t Just in Romantic Relationships, They’re in Workplaces, Too

Think narcissism is just about abusive partners? Think again. The workplace is a breeding ground for narcissists, and if you’ve ever had that boss or that coworker, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The boss who takes credit for your work but blames you when something goes wrong.

The coworker who stirs up office drama, plays innocent, then watches everyone else take the fall.

The toxic leader who manipulates employees, then claims they’re the victim of a “toxic work environment.”

Clinical psychologist Dr. John Gartner calls this the “corporate narcissist.” These are the ones who climb the ladder by stepping on everyone else and when they get caught, they cry victim.

How to Protect Your Energy from the Narcissist’s Mind Games

1. Stop explaining yourself – You’ll never win an argument with a narcissist. They don’t want resolution, they want control.

2. Set boundaries like your life depends on it – Because, emotionally, it does. Learn to say no without guilt.

3. Don’t take the bait – They want a reaction. Don’t give them one. Indifference is your power.

4. Document everything – At work? Keep records. In relationships? Take notes. If they try to twist the truth, you’ll have receipts.

5. Walk away when needed – You’re not responsible for fixing them. Protect your peace.

Final Thoughts: Their Denial is Not Your Burden

A narcissist won’t admit their faults, but you don’t have to carry the weight of their denial. Their victim act is just that, an act. The best thing you can do? See it for what it is, set your boundaries, and move forward without them dragging you down.

Want more on dealing with narcissists?

Stay tuned, I’ve got plenty more where this came from.

National resources that offer support for individuals dealing with narcissistic behaviors in both workplace and personal relationships:

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline

Provides confidential support 24/7 via phone, text, and online chat for those experiencing abusive relationships, including those involving narcissistic behaviors.

Phone: 1-800-799-7233

Text: Text "START" to 88788

Online Chat: www.TheHotline.org

2. Crisis Text Line

Offers free, 24/7 support for individuals experiencing emotional abuse or distress.

Text: Text "CONNECT" to 741741

Online Resources: Crisis Text Line

Website: https://www.crisistextline.org

3. Help Within Reach

Provides specialized support groups and resources for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

Website: Help Within Reach, Where to Start ~ Help Within Reach

4. Narcissist Injury Care Foundation