By Leslii Stevens Trauma Informed Yoga Teacher, ERYT500, YACEP, Ayurveda Practitioner
Behind closed doors, abuse isn’t always about visible bruises. In fact, one of the most insidious tools an abuser uses isn't a fist but a calculated strategy to control, manipulate, and isolate their victim from the world. The gradual suffocation of a victim’s connections to family and friends is as devastating as any physical injury, and yet, it's often the most misunderstood. This emotional prison, forged by cutting off a person’s access to their support system, becomes a "new hell" that’s nearly impossible to escape. Let's break down how this happens and why we, as a community, need to be more vigilant.
Abuse is about power. At first, the abuser may seem charming, even protective, convincing their partner that they are the only person they need. Slowly, that protection becomes a wall. The victim is made to feel like they are "choosing" to spend less time with family or distancing from old friends. Over time, phone calls go unanswered, and invitations are declined. If the abuser doesn’t outright forbid their partner from seeing others, they’ll manipulate situations to cause tension, making those relationships seem toxic or “not in their best interest.” This is a subtle but lethal form of emotional manipulation, one that plays on vulnerabilities, insecurities, and fears.
Isolation is like being trapped in an invisible cage, with no bars, yet no way out. Imagine waking up one day and realizing the people who once grounded you—your best friend, your sibling, your parents—have been erased from your life. You're left alone, navigating an abusive world where the abuser becomes both your captor and the only person you have contact with. This forced isolation creates a cycle of dependency. The abuser becomes the victim’s only source of emotional support, however toxic, which makes leaving or even seeing the situation for what it is that much harder.
What makes this form of abuse so sinister is its slow creep. Victims often don't realize they're being isolated until they're in too deep. I’ve seen it firsthand working with survivors of domestic violence, where abusers create such an elaborate web of control, the victim is left questioning their own reality. It’s like having your voice, your power, your very essence taken away, one conversation at a time, until you’re left feeling like a shell of the person you once were.
This isolation can also make victims feel like they have nowhere to turn. Cut off from family, friends, and support networks, the abuser's grip tightens. It’s a vicious cycle, reinforcing the abuser’s dominance and leaving the victim further entrenched in a toxic situation. Without an outlet for validation or reality checks, victims are left to question their own sanity and value, making escape seem impossible.
As an outsider, it’s easy to think, "Why don’t they just leave?" But without support, leaving is like leaping off a cliff without knowing if there's a net. That’s why we need to educate ourselves and others on the signs of this slow form of abuse. If you notice someone you care about becoming more withdrawn, always giving excuses for why they can’t meet up or call back, don’t look the other way. Reach out. Sometimes, just knowing there’s someone on the other side of the wall ready to help is enough to empower a person to take that first step toward breaking free.
To those who find themselves in this suffocating situation: You are not alone, even if it feels like you are. There is life, hope, and love waiting for you beyond the walls your abuser has built. Reclaim your voice, your power, your connections—it’s your right. The road to healing may be long, but you are stronger than you know.
Love & Light
Leslii
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text "START" to 88788
For immediate safety, call 911