By Leslii Stevens Trauma Informed Yoga Teacher, ERYT500, YACEP, Ayurveda Practitioner
Leaving an abusive relationship should be the start of freedom, but for many, it's just the beginning of a different kind of isolation. Imagine finally finding the courage to walk away, only to discover that the people you thought would have your back family, lifelong friends don’t believe you. They’ve bought into the lies of the abuser. They question your truth, or worse, side with the very person who tore your life apart. It feels like a double betrayal, and it’s exactly what the abuser wants: for you to be all alone, even after you’re "free."
Abusers are experts in creating chaos and controlling the narrative. While they’re isolating you from your loved ones, they’re also planting seeds of doubt and lies, slowly but surely. They portray themselves as the victim or the misunderstood partner who only ever wanted to "help" you. It’s an insidious strategy that leaves many victims stuck in the abuser's web, long after they’ve physically left. The damage is done, and those closest to you may be blinded to the truth.
When the people who are supposed to love and support you believe the abuser’s version of events, it’s devastating. It’s like being hit twice once by the abuser, and again by the silence or rejection of your family and friends. They may not understand the psychological manipulation that kept you in the relationship for so long, and instead of offering a helping hand, they ask why you didn’t leave sooner. Or worse, they may accuse you of being dramatic, exaggerating, or even lying.
This aftermath can feel like a black hole. You’ve escaped the abuser’s grip, but you’re left floating without the safety net of a support system. And that’s precisely what the abuser wants: to see you fail, to see you isolated, without love or trust in anyone but yourself. They thrive on control, and the ultimate victory is leaving you emotionally stranded, alone, and broken.
But here's the hard truth: healing from this kind of isolation is brutal. The road ahead isn't paved with instant validation or support. It’s a hard, lonely walk at times. Rebuilding your life after the destruction of an abusive relationship means not only reclaiming your physical safety but also finding your own voice, your strength, and creating new, healthier connections.
It’s okay if you need to grieve the loss of those relationships, family, friends, even parts of yourself you had to let go of to survive. It’s normal to feel anger, frustration, and sadness over the people who couldn’t or wouldn’t see the truth. But know this: their inability to stand by you is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of the power dynamics abusers expertly manipulate.
In the absence of old support systems, you can find new communities, new friendships, and new sources of love. Whether it’s through support groups, therapy, or connecting with others who have lived through similar experiences, there are people out there who understand your journey and will stand by your side as you rebuild.
Living a normal life after leaving an abusive relationship can feel almost impossible, but piece by piece, you can regain your freedom. It starts with understanding that you deserve better, that your worth isn't tied to the lies the abuser told or the people who failed to stand up for you. It starts with reclaiming your story, your power, and finding the strength to live for yourself.
It’s time to break free from their web, once and for all. Healing won’t be easy, but it’s possible. You are worth the effort, and you are not alone, even when it feels like you are.
with love & light
Leslii
Breaking the Silence
But here’s the truth that must be heard: You are not alone. If these words resonate with you, if you recognize your own experience in these lines, there is help available. No one should endure this kind of emotional abuse in silence.
Resources Are Available
National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text "START" to 88788
For immediate safety, call 911